Feeling Like a Mother for the Very First Time: A Journey to Motherhood


Feeling like a mother for the very first time is one of the most extraordinary gifts of motherhood.

My journey to motherhood was like a river – lots of twists, turns, and rocks along the way. I suffered with infertility. But that is a story for another day. I’ll just say three years, three miscarriages, oodles of tests, unanswered questions, drugs, shots, ultrasounds, blood draws – I finally had a viable, healthy pregnancy – twins!

But finding out I was pregnant didn’t make me necessarily feel like a mother. When did I feel like a mom?! Was it when I heard their heartbeats one after the other? Was it when I saw their 4D faces for the first time? Or when my belly was so large, I scared people in public? Was it when they were literally in my arms? Or when I first fed them?

Those are all really, really amazing mom experiences, right?! But that’s not when I felt like a mom.

It all felt real when I felt my boys kick in my belly. And did they kick! I mean, there wasn’t a lot of room in there for the poor fellas. So every move they made was felt through my entire body. I LOVED IT. I loved being pregnant. I loved my belly growing. I loved maternity clothes. I loved that I didn’t have to suck in for the next nine months. I loved everything about being pregnant – especially with twins.

Sometimes they would kick at the same time. Mostly, they took turns. “Batman” (Baby A) was usually shoved in a corner, while “Robin” (Baby B) was a constant squirmy worm. I would talk to them constantly, rubbing my belly and telling them how much we loved them. How excited we were to meet them, giving them details about their daddy, their grandparents, and all the wonderful people that would be in their lives.

A mom standing on the shore with her three little boysI faithfully went to every appointment and followed every order from my doctor. It was on me to be healthy and take care of myself so they could be healthy. Isn’t that mothering at its finest?!

Batman and Robin (aka Cooper and Logan) are now 7-years-old. Beckett surprised us all when he came two-and-a-half years after the twins. Oh, how I miss those pregnant times! But with each year my boys grow – it gets more fun! And challenging! (I’m not gonna lie. Kids are challenging!) But to hear them sigh, “I love you, Mama” as they start to drift off to sleep will forever be music to my ears.