Losing yourself after you become a parent isn’t uncommon. I for one have struggled with my new role as mom. I absolutely love and adore my daughter, but I have struggled with juggling the multiple roles of being a parent and wife and still making time for myself. I have put myself and my relationship on the back burner and have given my focus to my work and being a parent.
After some recent events between my husband and I, I suggested we go to couples therapy. We needed to speak our feelings out loud to someone that wasn’t part of our daily life.
We have only been to a few sessions but I can say I think it has helped. We are completely honest with our feelings towards each other and the things we discuss. Instead of fighting and getting nowhere, we are having better conversations that are sparking change in our relationship. We both realized that being a parent is much harder than we expected and we both became overwhelmed and trying to do the best we knew how. We are learning that we have different communication skills and that what each of us values as important, the other may not. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but it does mean we need to relearn how to communicate with each other. We need to learn that we can be parents but still make time to be a spouse and have time to ourselves without feeling guilty.
I am writing this post because I want people to know that it is OKAY to seek help. This doesn’t mean that you or your relationship is broken. It is okay to work with a third party to try to work out issues within yourself or your relationship. Being a parent is hard, can’t we all agree on that? If you let it, it can be all consuming. I look forward to the journey of re-prioritizing my life and making it better for my family and myself.
Learning to Put Our Marriage First
One thing we have prioritized is learning our love languages. People give and receive love in different ways. The way I expect to receive love isn’t exactly the way my husband shows love. Understanding that we speak different love languages makes it easier for us to start communicating with each other in ways we individually understand.
We also set a monthly date night. We make it a priority to get a sitter and go on a real date. Taking this time for each other will help keep our relationship strong. Also, making sure we take time individually as well to have quality personal time is something we are working on. He can focus on a hobby he likes and I can have quiet time doing something I enjoy, like reading a book.
If you have any tips on how you balance everything, leave it for the other moms to read. I am sure someone out there needs to hear it. If you feel like you are struggling, please know you are not alone. No one is perfect and we are all out here trying to do our best, juggle life, and be the best parents we can be. Much love your way from this mom who is learning to love life and herself again.