Mom guilt comes with the territory. How do you cope?
As I sit in the dark nursery, with my sick baby boy napping on me, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that I’ll be due with our third in August. When I got pregnant with my first, as silly as it sounds, I felt guilty. I had three fur-babies, and here I was, bringing another little human into their lives. They weren’t going to be getting my undivided attention anymore. Everyone kept telling me, “oh, you won’t be as obsessed with them anymore.” That broke my heart to think about. At the time, they were my only babies. And little did they know – I’d still be just as obsessed. I brought them a new little human to fall in love with. Seeing how they took to her was the best feeling. The love grew. The snuggles expanded by one. And so did the photoshoots.
Now, when I got pregnant with my second, that guilt came back. Along with a lot of tears. Like. A lot. I knew the dogs would be fine, but now I was bringing another human into my daughter’s life. She was no longer my only (human) baby. She would now have to share my time, energy, and love. There was no amount of pep talks, logic, and reason that made me think otherwise.
Now, I have to admit, when I got pregnant with my third, those same feelings and emotions came flooding back. But once my now 13-month-old and toddler started to actually play together, when my toddler started showing more interest, love, and genuine concern for her brother, those feelings went away.
I was no longer feeling that I was replacing him as my baby but adding a new lifelong friend to his circle. It’s one of the best gifts I could give my children. There is no greater feeling.
I have no doubt in my mind that I am giving them and my family as a whole the blessing of a lifetime.
Baby J #3, we’re so ready for you to join our fun, crazy, chaotic family. You will be loved beyond measure. You will have three of the best fur siblings and two of the greatest friends and protectors. You will have a mama and dada who will do whatever it takes to raise you to be kind, independent, and happy.
So mamas, if you’re feeling the same guilt, it will be OK. It’s OK that logic and reason won’t make those feelings go away. They will in due time. You’re going to be OK. Your little babe(s) will be OK. You’re giving them the best gift in the world, and eventually, that feeling of guilt will subside.
It’s hard at first when you bring the new baby home. You will be spending more time with them and less with your first. But that’s normal. And necessary. Kids bounce back. In the end, they won’t remember it. So take the time to snuggle and connect with your newborn. It will all be worth it and work out in the end. I promise.
