I Can’t Breathe

“I can’t breathe.”
a close up of a medical ventilator used to help you breatheGeorge Floyd literally had his breath taken from him. As a world, we are pouring extensive resources into manufacturing ventilators to help those with COVID-19 breathe, and yet we are taking the breath away from others.  It took me numerous attempts to get through watching the entire video. Nine minutes. Nine excruciating minutes where Mr. Floyd was being murdered, and people stood by and did nothing. 
As a mother to two precious young black boys, my heart trembles in fear at what is happening to the black youth and men in our country. This is not a current issue. This is an issue that is finally being brought to the light: a light that we mustn’t turn off, but face. For us in a position of privilege, we can’t turn it off or dismiss it. Prior to having my boys, I was ignorant of the intense fear that people and families of color face daily. 
I have to have conversations with my 7 and 5-year-olds that I never imagined because at the end of the day, all I care about is them being safe and coming home alive. Are those conversations enough? I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe thinking about all of the things that could go wrong, all of the misunderstandings that could happen that would lead to my boys facing violence that could ultimately end their lives. 
an African American boy sitting with his head down on his knees as he leans against a brick wallI pray for the safety of my boys each day. I pray for all of the mamas out there who have lost their babies to racism and violence. I am so very sorry. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I knew just the right steps for the world and our nation to take to end racism. As long as I keep breathing though, I will continue to speak out