If there’s anything I’ve been certain of my whole life, it’s that I wanted to be a mother one day. As the youngest of six kids, I grew up coddled and taken care of by everyone else, but I always loved the opportunity to be around kids younger than myself. Although I had goals to get my degrees, what I always wanted most was to stay at home with my children.
Finding My SAHM Groove
When I was pregnant with my first son I was ecstatic that I was given that opportunity. When my son was born, I jumped right into to everything that entailed being a stay-at-home mom. I cloth diapered, made my own baby food and lived my life around a nap schedule while keeping the house clean and preparing meals for myself and my husband. I loved my role as a stay-at-home mom and still felt totally fulfilled by that. However, it did not take long to realize that so much of my identity had become wrapped up in this role and I had seemingly put to the side the importance of being me first before I was a mom.
It didn’t come immediately and it didn’t come effortlessly, but now that my boys are four and two I feel like I have a great identity in who I am and, therefore, I am able to be a better mom for my boys. I didn’t go out searching for new passions to take on after my boys were born, I tapped into old ones that I had laid to rest for a couple years.
I reached out in a local running group and found other moms in my area who ran my same pace and distance at the same time of day as me. I started to run with them and loved the accountability and the opportunity to talk to adults before facing my sweet children all day.
I recently met several moms through different outlets. As I saw them randomly at swim lessons, getting my haircut or running, I realized we could form a group. These moms I encountered through different avenues would certainly enjoy meeting each other. A few text messages were sent and enthusiastic responses ensued. We started a moms’ book club. We all have young children so we meet in the evening after we’ve fulfilled our duties for the day and tucked our babies into bed.
I went way out on a limb and responded to a request for mom models at a local boutique. This was totally outside of my comfort zone and such a fun opportunity to do something that got me out of the house, helped me ramp up my wardrobe and gave me a little time to connect with other women in my community.
I decided that I truly value time with my husband. We committed to one date a month and have worked hard to carve out the time to spend together. Both of us know that one-on-one time outside of the home is important so we consistently make it a priority in our schedule.
Pursuing My Passions Outside of Motherhood
Ultimately, as I’ve rediscovered some of my passions, I’ve realized the importance in pursuing them while also fulfilling my role as mom. During my years in the trenches of babydom, I failed to recognize the importance of being me first because often times I was too tired to take on much else. However, now that I am pursuing things that make me come alive, I have realized that these activities and friendships are exactly what I need to give me that burst of energy amidst the fun and tiring days as a mom.
If you are a mom still looking to get that groove back, I’d suggest a few things:
- Find the people or passion that makes you want to go out when all you really feel like doing is staying in.
- Look for little connections with other moms because so many moms are out there hoping they will find another to connect with.
- Be willing to put yourself out there in order to make new friends or go deeper with others who cross your path.
- Know and pursue the passions that help you come alive.
- Find time to date your husband
I have gained so much confidence and energy as I have pursued my passions and friendships over the last year. I always felt fulfilled with the role of “mom” but now feel a great sense of self in pursuing my passions that I had allowed to fall to the wayside.