My daughter will be going in to high school next year. The night before her entrance exam she sat with me and I saw her eyes fill with tears. I waited for her to speak. Finally she looked up and said “Mom, I’m afraid.” I took a deep breath and prayed for the right words to come to me. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, the way I did when she was little. I held my own hands because I didn’t think that was what she needed right now.
I looked at her and repeated words that I have said to her so many times as she was growing up. “Don’t ever let fear stop you from doing something. If you do, you will miss out on so many wonderful adventures.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. I saw a tear sneak out of her eye and waited as she impatiently brushed it away. “You will never understand, Mom,” she said. “You are not afraid of anything! You are always so strong!”
I turned my head for just a moment. So many thoughts and emotions went through my mind. I was so happy and proud to know that was how she saw me. At the same time, I was a little sad to realize that my daughter did not really know me at all. In reality I am afraid of everything, all of the time. I always thought it was best to hide that side of myself from my children. But now, I sat with my daughter and and saw the nervousness and fear on her face, and I thought that maybe I am not doing her any favors. She is so smart, and so pretty. She comes across as so self confident and assured. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. She rarely exposes herself like this. I’m a mother, but I’m also a teacher. I knew a teachable moment when I saw one.
She’s not a baby anymore. She is a teenager on the verge of becoming a woman. It is my job to teach her how that is done. I sat back and began to speak. “You know that as a young child I was abused. It was horrible. I was afraid. I was afraid to tell someone. I was afraid someone would find out. I was afraid people would see how dirty and bad I was. So I didn’t say a word. Because I was so afraid, I was a very sad and lonely little girl. I missed out on so much of my childhood. When I was 18 I finished high school and went to Israel. I was supposed to come back and start college. But, I was afraid. I thought I wasn’t smart enough. I thought I would fail, so I never even tried. When I was 20 I met your father. Everyone thought we were a perfect match. I was afraid to say something was not right. I stayed quiet. We got married, and you know that life was very unpleasant. I stayed for 26 years because I was afraid to leave. Fear ran my whole life. I allowed it to. It was easier to stay exactly where I was than to put one foot in front of the other. For 46 years I got up every morning and did all of the things I was supposed to do. I existed, but I never actually lived. I never experienced anything.”
By this time tears were flowing freely from both of us. I wiped hers away and continued to speak. “You’re my amazing daughter. I want so much for you. I want you to have every opportunity, I want you to dream and have the courage to follow those dreams. I want you to be strong, but if there comes a time when you feel that you just can’t be, I want you to come to me. I will hold your hand, I will help you up, I will give you the push you need to say you will try. Being strong doesn’t mean that you are never afraid. Being strong means that you go on anyway. It takes so much strength to admit you are afraid and ask for help. There is no shame in that!”
Through her tears she smiled at me. I whispered a thank you to the One above for helping me through this one. I imagine we will have similar conversations over the next few years. I’m not sure they will all be this successful. But, I will keep watching and listening. I will keep talking, and you can be sure that I will keep praying!
Amazing and true in every way
Amazing article and such talent I can so relate
Inspiring. You have a knack at hearing what is happening and finding the right words. Especially that part about being strong meaning being able to ask for help if you need it.
Thanks for sharing your story. Parenting is the hardest and most meaningful work.
Someone very dear to me said that to me once?
Wow. I suspect we will all learn more about who Shifra Glassman is as you continue to write such beautiful words Life is hard. Some of us try to shield our children too much, and some of us aren’t well enough to shield them at all. It sounds like your words to your daughter were so meaningful for both of you, and while it probably wasn’t what she wanted to hear, she probably appreciated the openness and the respect you showed her by sharing your story with her. But your words might have had the opposite effect of what you wanted to convey – she is most likely awed even more by your courage and your ability to live through the horrendous things that happened to you. Hopefully the two of you have been learning to love life together; what could be better than that?! Love you, Shifra!
Your writing continues to impress me. You are an amazing woman and mother. I am proud to call you a friend.
What a blessing you are. Your daughter is so lucky to have you to guide her through life. So often, I come up with the right words about two days after the fact with my kids. Finding the right message in the moment is a gift. ❤
Shifra, you have been gifted with the ability to put words on paper and share intimate moments! I find myself captivated by your storytelling. Continue writing your thoughts!
Wow! You are truly amazing! ♥️
You are truly amazing! A gift to this world!
Wow! Such a beautiful article! Your daughter has an amazing role model and cheerleader. She is a very lucky girl! Every word rings true.
Wow !!….. i know I have expressed this so many times but honestly I don’t believe I can sufficiently express what an incredible inspiration you are!!!!!!!
May you be blessed with much strength to continue to do all the incredible things you do!!!
With my utmost admiration and respect!’
Comments are closed.