Father’s Day is near, so what do you do for the spouse who doesn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day? I noticed a strange phenomenon on social media this past Mother’s Day. If you were on Facebook, you saw over-the-moon moms amidst khaki-clad kiddos as they were brunching or hiking; and of course, there were flowers… so many flowers. But on the private moms’ groups on Facebook, Mother’s Day had an entirely different meaning. Veiled in anonymity, those moms unleashed as apparently countless St. Louis moms don’t get revered on Mother’s Day, birthdays, or really any day at all.
I can relate as somewhere along the years of our marriage, my husband got practical. Holidays are just days; the only birthday that matters is the one on which you entered the world. And Mother’s Day? You guessed it… it’s just another Sunday.
Admittedly, I can be emotional. I’ve had tearful birthdays when my kids, as they were tucked into bed, asked how it could be my birthday when we didn’t even do anything. All I ever asked was for my husband to involve our kids because little kids who aren’t encouraged to recognize others grow into adults who act the same way. Consequently, when they are old enough to buy a card or pick flowers, they won’t, as they had no example set for them.
So, moms, we need to start championing ourselves. When an important day approaches, claim it and choose how you want to spend it. Reserve a table at a favorite restaurant, get the kids excited about a day at the zoo, or bake a cake and let the kids go wild with the buttercream icing. Involve the kids and hype them up because if you want your kids to be celebrators, you need to celebrate. Quit obsessing that you had to do it all yourself and focus on crafting an epic day.
We only veritably have this moment, so I am not wasting any more time swiping at tears between loads of laundry because my day is slipping by unnoticed. If I need to initiate the hoopla, so be it. I love making my kids’ birthdays special, and I embrace the holidays; therefore, it seems ridiculous to go all out for everyone else and not be willing to do so for myself.
So, getting back to Father’s day. How do you observe the man who doesn’t observe you? Despite what many moms on Facebook believe, you don’t do it by ignoring him. Let’s be honest, that cycle will spiral you into misery. Celebrate him and encourage your kids to because if you are the celebrator in your house, glorify everything. Chances are that unsentimental, practical man is still a pretty awesome Dad who puts his heart and soul into raising a family with you. So even if he can’t find the greeting card section of a Walgreens, he deserves recognition. In my case, my husband doesn’t think his birthday or Father’s day is a big deal, either, and he would prefer to skip the fanfare. In that case, I should listen to what he wants. I’m still learning how to achieve that, but I let the kids make their homemade gifts and cards without inserting myself into his day.
Every mom with a pulse has heard that the days are long, but the years are short. We’ve all felt how ridiculously infinite each day can seem. However, despite having to refrain from rolling your eyes when the grandma in line at the checkout utters those words to you as you struggle to keep your snarling toddler from simultaneously poking the baby in the eye and flinging packs of M&Ms into your cart, you know it is true. The years gather momentum and hurl us face first into “where has the freaking time gone?”. I want every passing year to be joyous and for each day to shine, but those special days? They should leave behind a glittery trail a mile wide to fuse them into our memories. So let the wonder of life envelop our kids as they grow, and likewise, soak in how good it feels to indulge yourself and to spark that contagion in your kids.