Martyrhood or Motherhood


Have you considered trading in martyrhood for motherhood?



At least the kids are happy. 


Maybe the single greatest lie I told myself as a way to justify how far on the back burner I had put myself. Heck, I wasn’t even on the stove. I wasn’t even in the pantry. I was still in the back of the grocer’s freezer! A condition I have termed ‘martyrhood.’ 


I had been looking forward to an event being put on by my friend, and the founder of Materra Method, for weeks. During this event, I met a lovely esthetician, Morgan, who works at Lark Skin Co., a self-care shop and holistic skin spa located in Webster Groves, where I live. After meeting her and confiding that I had never had a facial before, I went home and booked the earliest available appointment I could make, two weeks out. I thought about that facial every day. I remember telling my husband how excited I was about having it. I even joked, “man, you can tell I don’t do much for myself. I haven’t shut up about this facial, and it hasn’t even happened yet.” Then the day came, I got my facial. It was fabulous. Truly. If you are in the business of getting a facial, I highly recommend Morgan at Lark Skin Co. 


a woman wrapped in a towel as she gets a facial


I had taken one hour of time to myself to get the facial, and from that, I made a promise to myself that I would spend five minutes doing a simple skin care routine every day. 


I didn’t stop there. I finally allowed myself to sign up for in-person workout classes with Materra Method – it is truly pregnancy and postpartum workout therapy. Finally, claiming one hour on Saturday mornings as my own. From there, I am setting a goal to carve out twenty to thirty minutes a day, three days a week to complete a workout from the Materra Method online platform.  


I bought myself a new, high quality nursing and pumping bra to replace the one I was still using from my first pregnancy. I replaced my work shoes that I had been wearing for six years. 


Six years!


a blue label that says, “time for me"


You can’t expect fulfillment or happiness if you are only allowing yourself the leftovers of the fulfillment and happiness you have spent creating for everyone else; expecting to get full on the scraps. 


I hate the term “self-care” – it has turned into such a big thing for everyone trying to define it. What it is. What it isn’t. Is it or is it not doing chores or errands without kids? Is it or is it not showering or going to the bathroom without an audience? 


For me, it is finding myself worthy of dedicating some of my time to myself. To make an effort to avoid doing things the hard way all the time. To make an effort to choose the thing that will make me more comfortable. To make an effort to enjoy something for myself, without the end result being for someone else.


It’s making a real attempt to embrace Motherhood and denounce martyrhood. 


To be happy AND see my kids happy. Because both things can be true. 



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Mandi is originally from a small town and moved to Saint Louis in 2015 for a new job and new love. She has lived in a few areas of Saint Louis including the Central West End/De Baliviere and Lindenwood Park areas but has found a place to call home in Webster Groves. She has been married to her husband Seth since 2017 and they had their first son, Walter in March 2020. She is being inducted into the “two under two” club in January 2022! Mandi works full time as a Nurse Practitioner. When she is not working, you can find her park hopping and trying to wrangle her son, brainstorming freezer meal ideas, mourning the loss of “The Office” from Netflix, or at Katie’s Pizza and Pasta in Rock Hill. Mandi is passionate about making Motherhood feel less lonely and encouraging community through vulnerability.


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