Holiday self-care doesn’t look like you think it does.
It’s almost cringe-worthy at this point to tell a mom to “practice self-care.” But we really need to redefine what self-care even means. Bubble baths? Don’t even start. Advocating for my needs, building a village, and easing my mental load? That’s the kind of self-care I need.
So how do we practice self-care (the proactive kind, not the bubble bath kind) when our stress level is highest, when finances are tightest, and when our mental load is overwhelming: the holidays? It’s never easy, but this time of year we so often focus on everyone else, without concern for ourselves. Let’s change that this holiday season, so you can start the new year refreshed and ready. That means, to really take care of ourselves over the holidays, we have to start now.
Here are a few ideas to manage stress and overwhelm over the upcoming holiday season, so you can take care of yourself as you care for others:
1) Spread out: starting today, plan out what you can for holiday meals, gifts, and activities. Sprinkle the financial responsibility for these things throughout your budget over the next two months, so you’re not spending your entire paycheck at the grocery store the night before Thanksgiving. Spread out meal ingredients over the next couple grocery trips; keep one family member in mind each time you enter Target, in case you can grab a gift early, etc.
2) Delegate: as picture-perfect as it might be in your head, the holidays are not the time to pretend you’re Julia Child and claim all seven Thanksgiving courses. Let Aunt Mary bring the sweet potato casserole. Put grandma in charge of the host gift. The people in your village are likely willing to help, if we give them the chance to do so.
3) Outsource: have a neighbor making extra money by putting up Christmas lights? Sold. Local store offering free gift wrapping? Done. If it makes financial and logistical sense, take others’ up on their service and outsource whatever you can this season.
4) Advocate: most crucial of all, advocate for yourself and your needs over the holidays. This looks like talking to your partner about the concrete tasks that need completed and splitting them up. It looks like asking your mother-in-law to watch the kids so you can check things of your list. It’s recognizing your signs of burn out and taking breaks before you melt down.
Spread out, delegate, outsource, advocate. Four steps to making it through the holidays in tact. And while I hate that the burden of care is put on mom (as usual), I am hopeful that taking these steps not only lead to a smoother holiday season in 2022, but promote long-term change that allow for moms to think more clearly and feel better all year long.
Stacy McCann is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked with families in the St. Louis area for 10 years. In her newly launched private practice, Present Moment Counseling Services, she specializes in supporting overwhelmed, anxious, or neurodiverse moms through all stages of their parenting (and life) journey, from perinatal to toddlerhood to teen. She lives in Glen Carbon (though serves families throughout Missouri and Illinois statewide) with her husband and young daughter. She enjoys getting outside with her daughter (and her clients!), gardening, cooking, traveling, and writing.
