You May Not Be Able to Teach an Old Dog New Tricks, but What About an Old Mom?


This “old” mom is looking to learn some new tricks!


As a woman of a certain age, let’s just say not quite 40, there are certain things that I have discovered that I have never learned how to do or have never experienced. It wasn’t until I had my first daughter at 28 that I started to explore my more “feminine” side. I started buying more dresses, doing something with my hair besides a messy bun, and exploring more makeup besides the standard CoverGirl foundation and pressed powder. Let me tell you, my makeup skills were straight out of the ’90s and were in serious need of an overhaul. Since I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution this year and April is my birthday month, I decided to make a birthday resolution! They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but can you teach an old mom new tricks? I don’t know the answer, but I’m willing to try for the sake of science. 


Recently I have fallen into the rabbit hole that is TikTok. Some of my favorite videos include makeup tutorials and transformations. There are so many creators that put so much time and effort into their talents. One thing I have realized while being entranced with these videos: I have never learned how to put eyeliner on my top eyelid, let alone how to make a winged eyeliner. I mean, all I need is some liquid eyeliner, right? How hard can it be? There can only be two possible outcomes: smokin’ hot winged eyelids or I come out looking like a modern-day Tammy Faye Bakker. Which one will it be?


a close up of a woman with winged eyeliner make up


While we are on the topic of beauty, I occasionally come across hair tutorials on TikTok as well. Does everyone know how to curl their hair with a flat iron except me? I probably didn’t even own a flat iron until 10 years ago. I’m lucky I can even straighten my hair without burning myself. I think I still have PTSD from my mom accidentally burning my forehead with a curling iron when I was little. It might be a little difficult to accomplish this resolution with my current pixie cut, but maybe my daughter will let me practice on her hair. I promise I won’t burn her head with a curling iron, though. 


Admittedly I have always been horrible at self-care. Self-care to me means going to the bathroom alone, taking a nap on the weekend, or the occasional pedicure. Apparently, paying someone to rub their hands on your body is a thing. I have never in my life paid for a massage. On TV, they look so relaxing, but in reality, I shudder at being oiled up and groped by a stranger. Not only that, I am super sensitive. Even the most gentle massages by my husband can be painful. A few years ago, some friends got me a Massage Envy gift card for my birthday that I have yet to use. That is about to change. I’m ready to take the plunge and see what the massage hype is all about. So oil me up like a squeaky door hinge, I’m ready to feel relaxed. 


Now, I’m not one to typically conform to societal norms or trends just because everyone else is or because I’m told that these are things a woman should know how to do. I don’t think, even as a woman, that I have to know these things. I am mostly just curious as a person who wears makeup, uses a flat iron regularly, and is in possession of a gift card for a massage how I can enhance my experiences using these tools.


a soothing scene of flowing water, stones, and flowers to symbolize a massage set up


So if you see me walking down the street looking like a Picasso painting, with crazy-looking hair and slouched over from my painful massage, mind ya business and carry on. However, if you see me with some smokin’ hot winged eyeliner, beachy waves, and floating on air instead of walking, give me an air high five because I worked really hard if I successfully accomplished all of these things. What new tricks do you think you should know how to do or would like to experience? Inquiring minds want to know.